Swan Lake
by bookaddict43
Summary: Jayne and Kaylee go on holiday


A continuation from Twelve days of Christmas and Resolutions

In answer to Shineytalents challenge on : The orange hats are invading – save us captain

Using the words:

Rubber duck, Tomato soup, Crew members birthday, Jayne's hat, Pirates (the comical ones with patches and parrots), Vera, Drunked crew member

Extras: song from earth that was, ceramic swans

"Tell me 'bout this place again." Jayne was uneasy.

Wash rolled his eyes, "It's just a guest house Jayne. Nothing else."

"It's got a funny name."

"Yeah well Trix always had a thing for swans." Wash shrugged, "Look Jayne, everyone chipped in to give you this time away with Kaylee. Be grateful. Trix and Rod are old friends; you won't have any trouble at their place."

"He's taking Vera. You're letting him take Vera?" the captain sounded shocked. "You're supposed to be going on a gorram romantic holiday, not a war."

"Sure captain" Kaylee shrugged "you can't separate a man from his guns. Jayne feels safer when his guns are around. 'Sides I feel sort of sorry for Vera, she's been replaced."

"Remember Mal, it's not a romantic holiday, it's a birthday present" whispered Inara.

"One I helped pay for and I don't want it ruined." He mumbled "Don't know how you all talked me into this anyway."

"Cause it was your plan falling through that prevented their honeymoon sir." Zoë reminded him. "And you don't want to disappoint them again."

"Hey no-one better ruin my birthday" growled Jayne strolling up.

"Please just tell me you ain't taking any grenades?"

Kaylee laughed at him "No captain, no grenades. Ya look after Serenity now, she better be in one piece when I get back."

Jayne stepped inside and took a look around. The name was kinda strange but the place looked nice enough. Best room he'd ever stayed in that was for sure.

Kaylee was runnin' round gushin' over every single thing. "Don't the furniture look comfortable? There's a porch 'n' some ceramic swans, a real special view of the lake and lots of snow. Look at the size of the bed, plenty of room for ya."

She darted into the bathroom and there was a moment's silence followed by the sound of runnin' water. "Look at the bath; it's one of them spas. There's candles 'n' bubble bath and even a rubber duck." She appeared in the doorway wearin' nothin' at all and squeaked the duck at him wrigglin' her eyebrows suggestively, "bet we could have fun with this."

"Sounds kinda kinky to me," he grinned at her, droppin' his clothes all over the floor in his hurry. He was never gonna get tired of Kaylee's fun approach to sex. "Maybe I better try it."

"Did you see much of our visitors yet?" Trix asked her daughters. They'd been here two days and she hadn't seen them yet.

"I only saw 'em once Mama, when they signed in." Fran her elder daughter wasn't a bad judge of character. "She's sweet, but I ain't sure about him."

Chessie chimed in "I took them room service Mama. The girl, her name is Kaylee, said they had a hard time leavin' the bath!"

"Well Wash did say they're having a belated honeymoon, maybe they're just enjoying alone time." Rod remarked cuddling their youngest, Bonnie. "Don't worry honey; I'm sure they'll come out when they're hungry."

"Do you think we'll have any trouble while they're here?" Fran asked.

Trix and Rod looked at each other, "no honey, trouble's all over."

Trix was pleased that evening to see Kaylee bounce into the dining room. "I'm glad I've finally got the chance to tell you welcome to Swan Lake."

"It's real shiny here, ya got a wonderful place." The girl's smile lit up the whole room as she gestured to the man following her. "We love the spa bath."

Trix could see why Fran was wary of the man. He was big, intimidatin' and looked like he'd lived a hard life. Even though he was on holiday he was wearing both a gun and a knife.

"Evenin' ma'm" Jayne nodded at her as she placed their plates on the table.

"Real tomato soup" the moan Kaylee made when tasting the soup just made him horny all over again. "'N' real home-baked bread." She bit into the roll theatrically, teasin' him, butter drippin' down her chin.

"Home-baked bread?" he leant over licked the butter of her chin then grabbed a roll 'fore she could eat it all. "Guess sexin' ya up again will have to wait."

Jayne was wanderin' the corridors lookin' for Kaylee. She'd gone off to explore while he got dressed.

He needed lots of warm clothes, because she wanted to go out in the freezin' snow and build a snow man. A snow man! And he was so fong luh for her; he was a goin' to help her build it.

Finally he could hear Kaylee's giggles down the hall, 'twas a real happy sound, like runnin' water. He hurried his steps a little so he'd get there sooner.

She was sittin' with a couple of girls and a little kid watchin' somethin' on the Cortex screen. It looked like a fella dancing.

"What the go se is that?"

The fella was wearin' a black hat 'n' eye patch, and gorram it, was that a stuffed parrot on his shoulder?

"He's called Captain Feathersword."

"Captain, he don't look like no Captain. Why's he wavin' a feather? Is the man sly or somethin?"

"That's his sword, Jayne. It's some old thing from Earth that was, supposed to be for kids. The fella sings, dances and such."

Jayne was revolted "It's downright disturbin', that's what it is, a grown man dressin' up like that. Promise me Kaylee, ifen we ever have kids, they won't watch go se like this."

"Kids," Kaylee looked up at him swiftly.

He shrugged "Thought you'd probably want some bao bei."

"On Serenity?" she couldn't believe that Jayne had thought 'bout this.

"Boat's home ain't it. Mal can't object now he's given in to Zoë 'n' Wash."

Kaylee pulled on his hat, the one his Ma had sent him. Brown hair peekin' out from under the orange wool, eye shinin', she was so gorram cute and fancible, maybe they could just go back to bed.

"Glad ya been thinkin' 'bout it. But right now we're goin' out for a walk and some snow man buildin'." She grinned at him. "And then maybe we can come inside and practice makin' babies."

Whoosh! Jayne looked up from placing the snowman's head and got a face full of snowball.

He lunged after a gigglin' Kaylee catchin' her round the waist and bearing her to the ground. "Ya gonna pay for that little girl."

"Hey, that's not fair Jayne!" Kaylee gasped as he touched his lips to her stomach.

"Makes me go all weak at the knees," she complained, and then shivered as Jayne trailed kisses along her hipbone.

Kaylee tensed waitin' for the next heated caress, but Jayne had stopped had his head tilted as if he were listenin' for somethin'.

"Trouble Kaylee," he scrambled to his feet pullin' her with him. "Best be headed inside."

Serenity was entering atmo of the planet they'd left Jayne and Kaylee on.

The small delivery run they had taken on had turned out well and no-one had been hurt. Mal was relaxing at the table when River sat up with a jerk, making him spill his coffee.

"Captain! Bad men. Kaylee. Jayne. Danger."

"Jayne's probably started a war cause someone looked at Kaylee cross-eyed" the captain said not believing his own words.

He was worried and trying not to show it. "Wash, find a place to land."

"Sir, do you think it necessary?"

"Girl's not usually wrong 'bout these things." Mal was definite "Remember what happened last time they went off together?"

"Well technically last time they were" Wash trailed off as the captain left the bridge "kidnapped."

Jayne and Kaylee burst through the door startlin' Rod and Trix who were in the dining area playin' music.

"Ya expectin' maybe twenty men?" Jayne barked at them. "Be here in five minutes."

"Go se" Rod spat out "Trix get the girls quick." He ran behind the bar grabbed a rifle and headed for the door.

Jayne frowned. One single rifle weren't goin' to hold off twenty men. He didn't want to leave Kaylee in the house, but he didn't want to take her out front neither.

"Ya go with her and the girls, Kaylee," he hugged her swiftly "Stay with them. I'm gonna get Vera."

Kaylee didn't want to leave him, but knew better than to argue right then. She grabbed hold of Trix's hand and followed her out of the room at a run.

Arriving in the kitchen they both stopped dead in shock. Three men were already there, guns trained on the girls sitting terrified at the table.

Jayne arrived at the front door as his host opened fire on the men comin' toward the house. He wasted no time firin' Vera into the approachin' bad guys.

Rod watched in horrified fascination as the Callahan's firepower decimated their attackers, leaving nothing but dead bodies lying in the snow.

About to say something he stopped as Jayne swung the gun around to his right.

"Don't shoot Jayne, it's us," yelled the captain's familiar voice.

"Looks like you didn't need our help after all," said Mal walkin' past all the dead bad guys. "Lucky you bought Vera with you."

Jayne hadn't said a word yet, his gun still trained on the woods behind them, he was keepin' watch, makin' sure there were no more bad guys.

"We checked the woods." Mal was close enough to see that his mercenary had that carefully blank expression on his face, the one which made anyone who knew him hunt for cover. Lips tight, eyes narrowed, every muscle tense, he was so wound up that any moment the man was going to explode.

As soon as Jayne heard that the Captain had everything under control he whirled and ran back through the house. Lookin' for Kaylee.

The leader turned and headed toward the sound of firin' in the distance. Kaylee scared that he would come up behind Jayne, silently rushed forward grabbed the nearest ceramic swan and bashed it over his head.

Trix and Fran tackled the second man pushing him to floor, tearing his hair and scratching. The third man on guard at the door turned when he heard the commotion behind him pointing his gun at the girls huddled on the floor.

"Stop" Kaylee had picked up the leader's gun and was pointin' it at him, her hands shakin'.

"Ya won't shoot me, little girl" the thug hissed looking back at the helpless girls

"I got a ruthless teacher," she said and pulled the trigger.

Trix looked up from tying up their prisoners. "Do you think we should check outside?"

Kaylee shook her head "No. Jayne will come lookin' for me. Till then we stay here."

Trix jumped as the inside door was thrust open, a huge gun appearing in the opening.

"Jayne" Kaylee's voice was breathless as she dropped her gun and rushed forward to fling herself into his arms.

Jayne's arms crushed her to his chest and he sat down suddenly as his knees gave out.

Rod rushed in to gather all his girls to him. He turned toward his guests to thank them.

"They ain't going to be making much sense for a while." Said the captain seeing the way Kaylee had her head buried in Jayne's shoulder and he was holding her tight, stroking her hair.

"Well as a thank you I think we're going to have a special dinner for these two. We'd appreciate if you'd all come along too. Maybe tomorrow?"

"Thought ya said we'd have no trouble little man?" Jayne growled at Wash.

"I didn't know." Wash shifted behind his wife "Rod never said he had problems."

"We're getting' a fancy meal for our troubles," pointed out Kaylee. "And maybe a dance too." She looked at Jayne hopefully.

He sighed and stood up, offerin' her his hand as Rod came up to speak to them.

"We wanted to play something you could dance to. The fey girl said this song from Earth that was is appropriate for your emotional attachment." Rod picked up his guitar and started singin'.

_I didn't know what day it was_

_When you walked into the room_

_I said hello unnoticed_

_You said goodbye too soon_

_Breezing through the clientele_

_Spinning yarns that were so lyrical_

_I really must confess right here_

_The attraction was purely physical_

_I took all those habits of yours_

_That in the beginning were hard to accept_

_Your fashion sense, beardsly prints_

_I put down to experience_

_The big bosomed lady with the dutch accent_

_Who tried to change my point of view_

_Her ad lib lines were well rehearsed_

_But my heart cried out for you_

"Hey sounds like you and me lambie-toes" slurred Wash "heart crying out and all." He flung an arm around Zoë's shoulders and patted her stomach fondly.

_Chorus:_

_You're in my heart, you're in my soul_

_You'll be my breath should I grow old_

_You are my lover, you're my best friend_

_You're in my soul_

_My love for you is immeasurable_

_My respect for you immense_

_You're ageless, timeless, lace and fineness_

_You're beauty and elegance_

_You're a rhapsody, a comedy_

_You're a symphony and a play_

_You're every love song ever written_

_But honey what do you see in me_

_You're in my heart, you're in my soul_

_You'll be my breath should I grow old_

_You are my lover, you're my best friend_

_You're in my soul_

Mal took deep breath and reached out his hand to squeeze Inara's smaller one. It relieved him more than he thought possible when she returned the squeeze and smiled right at him.

_You're an essay in glamour_

_Please pardon the grammar_

_But you're every schoolboy's dream_

_You're celtic united, but baby I've decided_

_You're the best team I've ever seen_

_And there have been many affairs_

_Many times I've thought to leave_

_But I bite my lip and turn around_

_'cause you're the warmest thing I've ever found_

"Don't understand most of the fancy words" Jayne lips were on her hair "but reckon the chorus sort of works for us."

_You're in my heart, you're in my soul_

_You'll be my breath should I grow old_

_You are my lover, you're my best friend_

_You're in my soul_

Fong luh crazy


End file.
